2014-04-24 - Ninja Taco
The best taco stand over on Muscle Beach was a little cart that moved around and was run by an elderly immigrant who had long since perfected the art of the jalapeno. So, on a Tuesday before the summer season hit, Deadpool was happily heading over, "Quesadilla quesadilla quesadilla.." Clint had been out for a run to clear his head and well, get in some exercise. However the smell of taco spices and grilled meat work's its siren charm on the Avenger and he makes his way towards the taco cart only to pause when he sees Wade standing there. Clint shifts the bag he's wearing over his shoulder and rubs the back of his head "Wade," he greets the merc with a nod. "Topple any new government's lately?" then to the taco cart guy "Soft taco with everything, please." Deadpool shakes his head, "Nah, not since the Quarac thing. Which is funny as you'd think that a place meant as a parallel to ongoing real life events would have a name that's sorta not like someone was really lazy with an Atlas." As he and Clint go over towards the taco cart, all they see is the scattered remains of hot salsa scattered across the beach. "THIS... CAN'T BE!?" "I know right?" Clint says shaking his head about Qurac. "Seriously I wonder about some of these countries sometimes. Like Trasnsia..." he stops then noticing the cart is gone its contents scattered over the surrounding sand. "Wha?" Clint says looking around stunned and making sure he didn't just /imagine/ a taco cart here a second ago. Deadpool goes to shake Clint comedically back and forth," Think man, think! The last time this happened it was done by pirates! Who else would have the skill to do a scene for the complete polar opposite and adversarial nature of pirates and be able to take the best taco cart on the Eastern seaboard right out from under our noses without us noticing it until comedically appropriate!?" Clint rocks back and forth. "Yep, got it, ninjas," he says as he slips out of Wade's grip so he doesn't get seasick. He thinks for a moment. "So, did the ninjas just want the tacos or are the out to get one of us? It's been awhile before I've pissed offsome ninjas... actually who cares, I'm hungry, they blew up the taco cart, let's go hit those guys.... wherever they are." Deadpool considers, "Or maybe the ninjas are the tacos and this is a recruiting spree and.." No Soylent Green Jokes. PLEASE. "All right. We're going to need to turn over into our anti-ninja gear. And we'll beat them by being as not sneaky as we can." You just want to blow things up. "Darn tootin inner voices!" Clint stares at Wade for a moment while he holds a conversation with himself. Sort of goes with the territory where Wade is concerned. "So, you're saying because they're sneaky we need to be the least sneaky we can be?" he asks checking the 'logic'. "Because that makes no sense to me." Though he reaches into his bag and pulls out a small quiver of arrows and his collapsable bow. "But count me in anyhow." Deadpool shrugs, "Well obviously the first timet his was up against pirates and so if we're going to maintain this dichotomy we're going to need to explode things." He then suddenly goes to hand over Clint a very big and very awesome looking Jolly Roger Skull and Crossbones Pirate Hat. "And we'll hvae to wear these." Clint glances up at the hat. "Well then, arrr, let's shove off and make some ninjas walk the plank then!" he frowns. "Egh, okay so I can't talk like a pirate, so sue me," he flicks the bow open. "So where do we start looking, is there a place ninjas like to hang around in the city?" Deadpool considers, "Well honestly Hell's Kitchen but Daredevil whines hwen you infringe on his turf." Deadpool twiddles his thumbs, "So we're going to have to go about this Buddy Cop style and randomly interrogate people until we get a lead." Then going to pose dramatically with Clint, pirate hats on, "IT'S MONTAGE TIME BABY!" Well, they sneak around the world from Kiev to Carolina... Wade and Clint burst into a kids karate class sending the tykes running as they search the place for tacos. They're sticky-fingered filchers from Berlin down to Belize... Wade and Clint run chased by Benihana chefs throwing knives and burning onions at them. They'll take you for a ride on a slow boat to China... Wade hangs a guy in a ninja turtle costume off a roof shouting "What Bay is doing is WRONG!" while Clint struggles to stop him from dropping the poor guy off the roof. Tell me, where in the world are the guys who stole our tacos? Wade and Clint stand side by side in front of the lair of their enemies. "Sure this is the place?" Clint asks. As the two smash through, Wade complains, "Look, this is why you get Matt Fraction, that emo kid gets Dan Slott, and me? I'm stuck over with suckers like Waid, NIeceza, and the guy who has the foot fetish." He sniffs in the air, "And I would recognize that particular combination of jalapenos, tamales, and hot sauce if my nose hadn't been rotted away otherwise. So then man, do you want to do the honors?" In addition to a huge pirate hat, Wade has replaced his normal katanas with cutlasses, and has a giant bow looped over his shoulder, "LEt's be like Vegemite and kick some down under!" Clint huhs. "Who in the what now?" he asks Wade. "Actually never mind, tacos!" he says leaving who gets what writer alone for the moment. He reaches back and plucks an arrow from his quiver featuring a big green fist. "Let me knock," he says before he draws back and lets it fly. The arrow lets out a mechanical 'HUUUUULK SMAAAAAASH' then bounces harmlessly off the door to lay in front of it. Clint holds out an arm to stop Wade from closing in. "Waaaait for it..." then BOOM. The hand explodes blowing the door inwards. Deadpool sniffs, "Stoppit man, you're going to make me cry." Hold the onion! Deadpool sniffs, "They trained you well." Deadpool goes to charge in over through the hulkhand shaped hole and goes out, "We're the pirates who don't do anything!" His inner voice amends Actually we stab things so that's something. "CHARRRGEE!" Clint can get behind the charge action and he sprints through the door firing off a couple flashbang arrows to stall the taco stealing ninjas. "Give us the taco cart or we start stabbing!" he shouts over the echoing boom. "We'll he'll probably still stab you, but he'll feel kinda bad about it!" Deadpool amends, "Hey, stabbing is never a bad thing!" With ninjas coming out of th ewoodwork now (the building is a traditional Japanese styled monastary, admittedly in the tourist district), Wade draws out the first weapon of his arrow themed repetoirte. The FRYING PAN ARROW. "Wax on, wax off!" Actually it's teflon coated. "SO NO STICK!!" "With views like that on stabbing you should meet Bucky!" Clitn calls to Wade as the ninjas start to close. He lacks a thematic arsenal, but he he fires off a couple Taser arrows to down a pair of ninjas and when one sneaks up into melee range he grabs the little Naruto-esque headband thing with the metal plate down over his eyes and punches the ninja in the face! He grabs that ninja and chucks him into some more with a shout of "YOLO!" followed. "Never tell Adam I said that!" Deadpool calls out, "But I love the antics of the Captain of the Righteous Indignation! That's like the coolest name ever. Plus let's Croak some Toads!" The frying pan arrow is surprisingly effective, even as Wade follows it up over with a Spatula Arrow as he goes to charge into melee with the nefarious ninja taco nappers. "And where did you get the Yoyo Arrow from anywyas?" Clint pauses even as a couple ninjas start to lay into him. "Wait! Was that a Bucky O'Hare reference?" he asks before he grabs one ninja by the back of his head and cracks them into other. He draws an arrow and shoots a Taser net over a couple of others. They get zapped. "I am so using that," he says about the reference before he says. "And not yoyo, YOLO, it's something dumb kids and my nephew say," he explains as a new crowd of ninjas, ninjai...whichever force him back to back with Wade. "There sure are a heck of a lot of ninjas!" Deadpool calls out, "Well the next part of that is that you're naming your.. Wha'ts the rating of this scene gonna be?" Wade being forced back by the ninjas as well now, going to swing bow and cutlass taped together then to get extra range, fighting back to back over wtih Clint. "And I think that unless we get out some big cannonballs they're going to be keelhauling us yarr." "Yarr," Clint agrees. Damn that pirate talk was contageous. He takes a punch in the face, then bow-slaps a ninja in the head. He grabs an arrow out of his quivver and glances at the tag on the nock, pink, well this was going to get interesting. He arcs the shot up into the group of ninjas, the arrow explodes and laughing gas sprays everywhere. "Well if it doesn't help us out, at least they'll be a receptive audience to our quips." Deadpool nods, going to swing around a pair of frying pans in either hand, "You mean other than the nubile bikini models that they have tied up that have been watching us get our butts kicked the entire time that are tied volcano sacrifice style?" That were totally there the entire time. OF COURSE THEY WERE. Clint turns and sees the girls. "WOW! How'd I miss those!" he asks Wade as the ninjas around him start to chuckle. "I mean seriously, how? Look at the size of their-" a chuckling ninja punches Clint in the face and Clint punches back. "-tracks of land!"he exclaims. Before he pulls out a buzz saw arrow and fires it at the ropes holding the nubile, big chested women. Then just about out of arrows Clint starts laying into the ninjas left and right. "Okay, find the taco cart, get the girls out, have a taco beach party, sound like a plan?" Deadpool ducks another flying sword shot his way, "Yeah, it's not like they weren't part over of the initial sceneset or OW!" Wade was then hit over by a Sumo Ninja doing a belly flop. "OW MY SPLEEN! Okay scene runner, I promise no more verbalized quotes on yourlack ofattention to continuity!" Even as he was crushed over into the ground as Clint's arrow sawed ti's way through the seemingly endless hordes! Wait didn't Clint fire that buzzsaw arrow to free the girls? Oh right, Deadpool, weird shit happens. He fires off one more to free the girls and maybe get them into the action before he fires off his last few explosive arrows into the ninja horde. As black pyjamas fly he bolts forward trying to find the taco cart. Does it matter at this point? The artist is probably begging off and they're on thier third replacement colorist. Deadpool charges through as the bikini models were freed, and agilely taking up weapons consisting of abandoned volleyball equipment, go to fight thier waythrough the hordes! Probably explains why Clint looks like Iron Fist most of the time these days. Either way as the busty reinforcements start kicking ninja butt, Clint finds the taco cart proprietor tied to his cart. He yanks out an arrow and shoots through the bonds and then moves to the back of the cart and grabs the handles and shouts to the stunned proprietor "Hang on!" then starts pushing the thing into the crowd of ninjas calling out to the girls. "Hop on ladies, the taco battlewagon is on the move!" Deadpool grumbles, "Dammit man, there's a reason why we can't use that as a zamboni." But bikini clad fighter girls for the win! #$#! physics when they pile on like that as the taco stand guy gives a thumbsups! "BEACH PARTY!!" Clint grins "Seems to be working so far!" he counters to Wade before shouting "Hop on! Our pirate ship needs a captain!" before kicking a ninja who gets too close the face! Deadpool calls out, "And thus HMS Bounty was launched on the trail of Booty!" Yanking an arrow out of his patootie and tossing it away. "Uhm, this thing goes about as fast as a quadrapalegic grandma does when Matlock is on." One of the bikini girls slapped him. "OW!" "Hey if you've got a better idea!" Clint says though, truthfully the ninjas were gaining on them as ninja stars and arrows stick into the cart. "I am all ears!" Deadpool ducks down, "Well actually the human bodymass is about ninety percent water.." Yelping as another arrow hit him, "Uhm, quick, give me all your arrows! It's time for a Hulk level handjob!" Clint one hands the cart as he grabs his quivver and tosses it to Deadpool. "Go for it, though I didn't need that visual thanks," he says then ducks another throwing star. "You can put someone's eye out with one of those!" he shouts over his shoulder. Deadpool goes over and quickly ties all the Hulk Hand Arrows together to one mega arrow, "LET OUR RAGE UNITE!" The Hulk Hand Arrows chant in a Bill Bixbie'esque voice "You Won't LIke Me When I'm Angry" right as Wade fires it off to one hugeass explosion that sends the ninjas down like bowling pins! "Woo!" Clint shouts as the Hulk hands go off and the ninjas go down. As an added bonus they've reached a downhill slope, and he jumps up to ride the cart away from the carnage. "Well ladies, Mr. Taco-cart-guy, I think we're safe," he announces. The ladies on the bus go up and down, all through the town! Deadpool woo-hoos as the group arrives back over at Muscle Beach, "You know, this is almost like a convoluted eight pager." Clint is watching the girls get off the cart. It's a jiggle-y process. He turns to Wade "Like a what now?" he asks him. "Sometimes you make no sense," he complains but then shrugs. "Anyhow, mission accomplished right? Tacos, babes, lots of beat up ninjas." Deadpool amends, "Eight pager. Nominally the length of a backup story that will often not have an excessively developed storyline or interactions beyond being mostly filler. And beating implies more bludgeoning. We were doing more exploding and stabbing." "Huh," Clint says looking over at Wade and tucking the bow away. "And true," he reaches into the cart "Taco?" he offers before the proprietor slaps his hand. "Ow! I was going to pay," Clint complains reaching into his pocket for his wallet. Naturally there's a hole in his pocket and no wallet. "So, um, by pay I mean I saved your life, that counts for credit right?" he asks the guy. The guy, shakes his head. Deadpool stage whispers over to Clint, "You don't want to stiff the guy. He has ties to La Costra Nachos. They're like the Mob." Deadpool amends, "But the Mexican version. Or something." Clint sighs and puts the taco back. "Don't suppose you could spot me ten huh?" Clint asks Wade. "I mean if you actually have a wallet in that suit of yours." Deadpool uhms, "I don't have a wallet per se but.." Wade went to take out several incredibly wrinkly looking small bills from.. Places better not left imagined to hand over. "Err, thanks," Clint says as he hands the guy the bills, wipes his hand on his pants and takes a couple of tacos. "Well, here's to victory," Clint says with a shrug offering Wade one of them. Deadpool takes it, and bites over into it. "OW HOT HOT HOT!" Dancing around then at the very, very hot selection of spices on it. There was a reason he went here, "WATER SAVE ME!" The taco man then put up a sign which read 'Bottled Water $15'. lint stops short of biting his taco and looks over at the guy. "Maybe I should take mine to go," he says before he lowers the burning hot food from his mouth. He claps Wade on the back "C'mon, we'll hit up my place for some milk to put out the fire, and then some beers to wash the food down with. Sound good? Don't want to run over to a nineth page." Deadpool lets out a series of yelps, "Yeah, give me a moment." Cutting off his tongue, "Thithhll hewwpth." That should last him over through the recap page!